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Saturday, July 27, 2013

Sometimes....


Sometimes things happen to me so quickly that I honestly don't know how I can take it the way that I do. Have you ever had things bombard you so thick and quick that your head seems that it is about to spin right off of your neck? That was my Saturday.  As soon as you get happy something bad comes along to rid you of your smile. The only thing is, God put something in me where I can only stay sad or upset for so long and then I bounce back like a rubber band. I can't explain it. It's actually kinda cool in a way. I call it the "Sampson Syndrome". 

Today, I took 3 hits/hurts. The devil has been sending people lately that break their necks to hit me right in the heart. There are people out there who are dying to see you do bad or to fall to your knees, crying in defeat. I cannot give in to them. I will not, rather. I will sit in the privacy of my home, or in my car in a high, quiet place somewhere and sulk for a few hours but bounce right back as though nothing happened. I had such a hard life that I think things don't bother me the way that they would bother others. I've been burned out (lost my house), flooded out....twice (lost my church), hurt, stabbed, cut, cussed at, denied, rejected, laughed at, raped, beaten, hated and despised. I was taught by the Texas Rangers in the Marine Corps, maybe that is why I am so 'off the wall' I presume. No, what is inside of me is definitely from the Lord. 

It's not that I am looking for bad things to happen, it's just that everytime I begin to feel great and smile, something comes along to attempt to wipe the smile off of my face. The last time that my daughter and I laughed really hard, her car stopped and we ended up walking about 3-4 miles until someone picked us up and rode us to my sons house. It just seems that everytime we laugh really hardy? hearty? the devil sends someone try to shut us up. The bible says that Jesus was acquainted with grief. That's how I feel every day. I just try not to show it but sometimes.....


Isaiah 53:3-5

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.



I see what that means. Now I see why He stayed to Himself unless He was teaching or healing people. I just feel sometimes like I want to run away and never come back. I guess we all have those days don't we? Those are the times when your enemy will say that you are depressed and not fit to be around. But when something happens to them, they want you to stay on the phone or on Facebook, listening to or reading their entire problem without any regard to how much of your time they are taking up. There have been times when I read someone's texts or listened to them on the phone and I was so ill that I almost fell over but I didn't tell them that. I respected them and tried to help them. Someone once said, "Who does the preacher go to when they have problems?" It was a preacher who said that to me once. We agreed, "God!" and moved on. You cannot see Him but He's there. He talks to us in various ways. We strive for man's attention and for someone to just listen. We write on our personal blogs or tell too much of our business on Facebook, looking for someone to just listen and understand. Only God will do that fully. No one else has time to care, they are too busy trying to keep their lives together. Sometimes I feel as though I am only a spectacle. The blogs keep saying that "this many" people are reading your blog, and "this person" likes your blog but still you don't hear from anyone you know? It's like being under a microscope....a specimen. No one compliments you or uplifts you when you need it. You're just telling all of your business hoping to be heard. 

When things happen to me that totally upset me,  I talk to Jesus and He makes it alright. He zaps some Jesus Juice in my veins and hours later, I am ready for another battle. Don't think that the devil is going to give you a moments peace. Trust me, he will see to it that you stop smiling. Sometimes you have to in order to take care of your business. After the business is taken care of.....smile anyway. 

God bless and please pray for me (positively I hope, no witchcraft prayers please? I have enough of that going on in my life.  And thanks),

Essie

P.S. Please don't judge me because I have had a bad day? Please don't put me in Hell and say that I am depressed or possessed because I opened my heart to you? Thanx.


            





     
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Rev. Esther R. Scott

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